she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
