Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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