Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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