I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
