Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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