The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
