I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im about as happy as oj after his trial
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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