He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
NoShamevember. You game?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
