from now on my penis is your penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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