Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
