I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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