i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
