I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
