Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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