So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
