i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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