dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
