Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am midnight drunk by noon
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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