I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
