just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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