My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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