hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
