You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
