you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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