tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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