I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
