Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
