i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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