I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
