Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
