Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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