what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
