he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
