A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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