she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
