He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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