I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
