I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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