Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
