If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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