is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
