Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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