rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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