Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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