Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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