Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
