you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
