Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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