Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
