ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
