omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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