update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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