a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
