Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
