this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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