glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
