my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
