Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
