I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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