She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
