I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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