Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
