I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
