I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
