your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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