i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
