she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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