My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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