Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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