ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
