I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
