Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
