mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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