Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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