I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
