look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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